Boston, you Bitch!

My Mom doesn’t like me cursing (and we also just had this conversation) so a disclaimer before I begin: Mom, I have a point, you’ll see- and that point isn’t a lack of vocabulary either.

Living in Boston is like being in a dysfunctional relationship- you’re sick of the way too long winters, lack of spring, and the on again off again rain showers and snow storms that you can’t help but ponder that a CRAZY LADY lives up in the sky going nuts with the thermostat and blowing bizzaro wind EVERYWHERE- laughing like a mad scientist as she watches over people with broken umbrellas and ladies with their skirts up over their faces. SERIOUSLY, NOT COOL. 

At the same time, however, it only takes one day of sunshine, a calm breeze, or the Bruins parade (#BOSTON) to make you fall in love all over again and make you realize just how beautiful this city really is. MIND GAMES. 

It’s a love/hate relationship that started a while ago, and I can’t say that I’ll stay with you forever, but babe, you got me hooked and wrapped around your finger. Whether you’ve been in a committed, long term relationship or you’ve just started your courtship with the WICKED city, here are a few of my highs and lows that will either make you laugh and nod your head, or commiserate and nod your head- either ways, there will be a lot of nodding of the head.

Places and moments that simply take your breath away:

• Hang outs like Wally’s and the Middle East- old school joints where you rub elbows with a total stranger, listen to awesome music, or come home with big black Xs on your hands if you’re under-aged.
• The SOWA open market in the South End- there’s no other place I’d wake up for on a lazy summer Sunday.
• ROXY’s gourmet grilled cheese- aka. the yellow truck of wonder.
• Barbara Lynch and her culinary extravagance. 
• Going to fan pier or the docks on the days you need some salty ocean air to do you some good.
• Pulling into South Station and knowing that you’re HOME.
• Chilling on a Summer’s eve at the Charles watching the hunky Harvard Crew team practice, shirtless corporate bros get their sweat on while you “read” your book (it’s NOT considered gawking if they just happen to be in your line of vision)
• The History- I’ll be the first to admit that Boston (and the US in general) is a BABY compared to the rest of the world, but being a big fan of History itself, Boston does a great job of preserving and honoring the past.
• CAFEs: Trident, Pavement, Flour, Tea luxe, Uptown, Crema, and many more wonderful gems that make even the most wussy ass lone diner who is totally afraid of chilling solo in a public place (like myself) feel relaxed and comfortable.
• The Boston Public Library’s inside courtyard. Go there, it’s free and it’s absolutely magical.
• The Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum- One reason to name your daughter (or son) Isabella: you get free admission into the museum! The kookiest and most adorable collection of lady Gardener herself, the museum is kept the way she always envisioned it- empty frames and all.
• The Brattle Theater: Antique and sort of dingy, but still a favorite for the modern-old fogies who are still addicted to the classic black and white movies.
• The neighborhoods and a sense of community-remember those? They still exist- and not the fake pomo kind either.
• Midnight BOVA’s run in the North End
• FENWAY PARK in September
• Beacon Hill on Halloween
• Being outside during those perfect 2 weeks in May/October
• Flash’s (it’s a finale thing)
• St. Paddy’s Day Parade, Bruins Parade, Sox Parade- basically any kind of parade.
• Those 40 seconds when you’re on the Red line going over the Long Fellow Bridge and the city is in a panoramic frame. It never gets old.
• Exposed brick in buildings.
• Twin Lobster specials EVERYWHERE during the Summer.
• First snow fall of the Winter

Moments and things that legitimately make you think you’re crazy to ever put up with this shit

• The first snow storm of the Winter (you just know that it’s only the tip of the iceberg and a start of a fabulous winter)
• Being on the B line on a Friday night in the 2nd week of September
• Being at a party in Allston on a Friday night in the 2nd week of September.
• The B-line in general.
• The Green line in general.
• Cab drivers- they are the angriest people. LEGIT.
• 2a.m. shut down policy. WTF. The only people who are happy about this are the people who work at the bars.
• Whether it’s sports or politics, the first instinct is to start a riot. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
• WINTER+ICE= I thought that you stop falling everywhere like a 5 year-old after you hit a certain age. Apparently, not if you live in Boston- you have to wear soccer cleats.
• Rain, rain, and (oh wait!) MORE RAIN! and don’t even bother using an umbrella because you will just end up soaked holding a broken umbrella. You need one of those super unattractive body ponchos that they give you before going on a water ride at Disney Land.

Obviously, there’s a lot more to add onto each list, but the sun light is coming through my window so I’ll quit while we’re (Boston and I) still on good terms. I’m not even from Boston, but it’s weird how much I am attached to this city after only 5 years. It’s strange how much I feel at home being here, and how protective I am of my love. It breaks my heart almost every single winter without fail, but the sweet songs of birds chirping and the warm breeze tickling me to come out and play reels me back every single time.

Boston is like someone you can’t let go of- you put a skip in my heart one day, then you get me stir-crazy the next. Boston, you Bitch, but I LOVE you.